can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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