besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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