I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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