I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
