ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
