i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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