I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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