my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
