one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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