On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
