Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
