Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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