He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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