But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
