My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
