Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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