I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
