Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
