So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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