I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
