from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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