On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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