I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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