Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
