Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Two words: blizzard sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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