the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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