chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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