You're my little dorito
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
