he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
