i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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