Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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