So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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