I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
