He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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