I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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