It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
