he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
