Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
