I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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