If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I still have a little drunk in my system
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
