ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
soo... how was my night?
Randomize