I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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