Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
