mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
