I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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