this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
