would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
