yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
