I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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