Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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