so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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