Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
