so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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