Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
