She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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