I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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