so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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