im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
