just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
